BLACK SATURDAY 06
As I’m typing this, I’m in that stage where you feel like half-alive and half past dead after finishing one full bottle of Johnny Walker Black Label. I started drinking when I opened my copy of The Catcher in the Rye. I’m about more than a hundred page done, my head is spinning, and I have one bottle of scotch whisky down. So I’ll just hook on the net instead.
Anyway, I blame my friend for teaching me the virtue of “scotch on the rocks” a-la James Bond. He said that now that I’m a lawyer, I should refrain from drinking beer and just take scotch on the rocks instead. And if I prefer Spanish brandy, stay away from my favorite Fundador and just take Torres 12 or Carlos 1 instead. That will be better for my appearance as a management lawyer, he said. My heads feels cracking up now and I feel like throwing up…
For those who are reading this, yes it is true. I’m essentially a lawyer now. I recently passed the bar exams. All I need is to take the Lawyer’s Oath on the 9th of May and sign at the roll of attorneys and that’s it, I can call myself a lawyer.
God, I need a makeover. I already sense that this is coming all the while. When I look at my recent photos, all I can see is a fatter, chubbier version of me while I was in college. I never matured physically, emotionally, or intellectually. Besides, I could even say that I “devolved” as a law student.
The wake-up call was when the managing partner in my law firm approached me personally and said that I “need” a make-over since our clients might not be impressed with how I appear before them in client meetings. “Baka babaan pa yung bayad sa atin”, he said. If only they’ll be giving clothing allowances. But that is wishful thinking…
Anyway, the girlfriend of my brod, that Ateneo Law School sorority president if you know her, already promised to go shopping with me so that I will look like a hotshot lawyer. I already reserved ten grand for that: shirt, pants, watch, shoes, etc. I hope it fits within the budget. And then I have to spend another P25,000 to repair my car; a car that I don’t even bring to the office. I wonder why the fuck new lawyers like me have to go through this shit to look like a hotshot lawyer so that you won’t hesitate to pay them P1,500 an hour for time billing…
Lately, I’ve been feeling that I’ve been screwing with my life. I guess I just acted foolishly the past few years. I can’t understand women; women can’t understand me. I guess that is just how things will go for me.
SJP is happily married now, as I was informed. JMA will soon be another bride. Here I am still single, alone, and definitely lonely. Still thinking how different my life would be if they were still with me. When I was waiting for the bar results, I wanted a hand to hold on to. When I knew the results, I wished I had a woman’s lips to kiss in celebration. Alas, no hand came forth. No woman’s lips pouted for me. It was the most unceremonious and unhappy personal milestone for me. After that night, there are only two things I was proud of: one, I made my parents very proud, and two, I don’t have to go through all that shit again. That is it. It was still a cold, dark night for me.
I guess it is all my fault actually. I just don’t how to handle stuff like that. Sometimes I can be a very selfish brat. All I think about is what will happen to me, not even thinking about will happen to them. My universe revolves around me. I guess that is my biggest sin. Lately, I realized, the possibility is greater that I won’t get married than the possibility I decide not to get married at all.
But hey, I have a lot of reasons to be happy. I am a young lawyer at the age of 25. I work in a prominent law firm, though the salary and work load could be better. I am good and my colleagues think that I am. The future looks bright for me. If only I could cheer myself to see that there is a “bright future” in my horizon…
I could hear the church bells now. Jesus Christ just rose from his sepulcher. As he prophesized that he’ll rebuild the temple at the 3rd day. Here I am, though, still aching not to go to my usual boring routine. I wish that I too could destroy my temple and rebuild it again in 3 days. This is sadder than a Cold Christmas.#
Anyway, I blame my friend for teaching me the virtue of “scotch on the rocks” a-la James Bond. He said that now that I’m a lawyer, I should refrain from drinking beer and just take scotch on the rocks instead. And if I prefer Spanish brandy, stay away from my favorite Fundador and just take Torres 12 or Carlos 1 instead. That will be better for my appearance as a management lawyer, he said. My heads feels cracking up now and I feel like throwing up…
For those who are reading this, yes it is true. I’m essentially a lawyer now. I recently passed the bar exams. All I need is to take the Lawyer’s Oath on the 9th of May and sign at the roll of attorneys and that’s it, I can call myself a lawyer.
God, I need a makeover. I already sense that this is coming all the while. When I look at my recent photos, all I can see is a fatter, chubbier version of me while I was in college. I never matured physically, emotionally, or intellectually. Besides, I could even say that I “devolved” as a law student.
The wake-up call was when the managing partner in my law firm approached me personally and said that I “need” a make-over since our clients might not be impressed with how I appear before them in client meetings. “Baka babaan pa yung bayad sa atin”, he said. If only they’ll be giving clothing allowances. But that is wishful thinking…
Anyway, the girlfriend of my brod, that Ateneo Law School sorority president if you know her, already promised to go shopping with me so that I will look like a hotshot lawyer. I already reserved ten grand for that: shirt, pants, watch, shoes, etc. I hope it fits within the budget. And then I have to spend another P25,000 to repair my car; a car that I don’t even bring to the office. I wonder why the fuck new lawyers like me have to go through this shit to look like a hotshot lawyer so that you won’t hesitate to pay them P1,500 an hour for time billing…
Lately, I’ve been feeling that I’ve been screwing with my life. I guess I just acted foolishly the past few years. I can’t understand women; women can’t understand me. I guess that is just how things will go for me.
SJP is happily married now, as I was informed. JMA will soon be another bride. Here I am still single, alone, and definitely lonely. Still thinking how different my life would be if they were still with me. When I was waiting for the bar results, I wanted a hand to hold on to. When I knew the results, I wished I had a woman’s lips to kiss in celebration. Alas, no hand came forth. No woman’s lips pouted for me. It was the most unceremonious and unhappy personal milestone for me. After that night, there are only two things I was proud of: one, I made my parents very proud, and two, I don’t have to go through all that shit again. That is it. It was still a cold, dark night for me.
I guess it is all my fault actually. I just don’t how to handle stuff like that. Sometimes I can be a very selfish brat. All I think about is what will happen to me, not even thinking about will happen to them. My universe revolves around me. I guess that is my biggest sin. Lately, I realized, the possibility is greater that I won’t get married than the possibility I decide not to get married at all.
But hey, I have a lot of reasons to be happy. I am a young lawyer at the age of 25. I work in a prominent law firm, though the salary and work load could be better. I am good and my colleagues think that I am. The future looks bright for me. If only I could cheer myself to see that there is a “bright future” in my horizon…
I could hear the church bells now. Jesus Christ just rose from his sepulcher. As he prophesized that he’ll rebuild the temple at the 3rd day. Here I am, though, still aching not to go to my usual boring routine. I wish that I too could destroy my temple and rebuild it again in 3 days. This is sadder than a Cold Christmas.#
posted by Rommel Carmona at 16.4.06
1 comments
